Five minutes before I took this picture a stranger tapped me on the shoulder and called me a fag.

Like I didn’t know, dude.


  • 34, Sarf Londoner, native Northerner, she/they, funny as hell, filthy as fuck
  • skin – all over my body, as I believe is conventional. Also dry, dehydrated and sun damaged
  • drink of choice – whisky and ginger or vodka martini Gibson
  • lover and a fighter
  • style heroes – Cat Marnell, Jame Gumb (don’t, I will explain!), Brian Molko, Holtzmann
  • I really fucking love a hashtag. #notevenironically


Subjects will include

  • Snails and how they can crawl all over my face in a mucusy orgy
  • Which sheet mask makes me look like I’ve slept more than 45 minutes this weekend?
  • If I see another TonyMoly mask, people will die
  • Should I stop putting so many products in my hair? The excess weight is making my neck hurt.

Subjects will not include

  • Pretty summer/spring/winter/Armageddon make up tutorials
  • Self tanning – when you want to look and smell like a slightly overdone biscuit
  • Artistic shots of bottles carefully strewn over a white fluffy towel
  • Anti aging products (unless I buy a DeLorean) because TIME MARCHES ON and YES WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE


    If I have accidentally used a picture of yours and you would rather I didn’t, contact me and it will be taken down. And then I’ll spend my next therapy session telling my therapist I’m a fucking idiot and I hate myself.